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Posts Tagged ‘Love’

 Today  a pal and I were engaged in our typical nonsensical daily conversation that keeps us from jumping off of bridges.  You know, the type of marshmallow fluff that only the people engaged in the conversation are interested in: cute puppies, ninjas with lasers, why people with bad grammar suck, delicious burritos, etc, etc, etc.

 But then my boy got real on me.  Like Sarah Palin on Oprah real.

 It seems that during his formative college years, he regarded himself as the single guy and was not the stand up ooey- gooey hot pocket of love and honor and commitment that he is today (you get the picture).

 Long story short, he believed he owed one of his wounded an apology and wanted to know if he should say he’s sorry.  The girl has moved on, but my boy believed she deserved something.  (BTW, isn’t it funny how we can deserve both good and bad things, depending on the day/how big of a bastard we are being)?

 This got me thinking, why do we apologize?

 There are a lot of reasons we apologize; most  typically because it helps keep a steady environment of peace and sanity, especially if the person is someone you live with or are within close proximity to on a daily basis such as a wife, brother, roommate or colleague. Let’s face it, life is tough enough without a coworker eating your Special K or your cubicle mate ratting you out for Facebooking.

 Depending on how lippy or irritable you are, you may even find that apologizing becomes as commonplace as saying Thank You or Good Morning or You Need to Leave Before My Roomate Wakes Up.  Half the time they aren’t truly sincere, but they’re an outreach; a symbolic white flag and a moment in time where we put our hands up and surrender for the sake of maintaining a staid routine.

 But what about those really long overdue apologies?  The kind that can’t be done with a SomeEcard,  but rather have to be penned with one of those old-fashioned quills and ink by candlelight or done standing on someone’s doorstep in the rain in the middle of night (and it HAS to be raining for drama sake).

 You know what I’m talking about, and we ALL have someone in our lives that deserves a  I FUCKED UP, YOU’RE RIGHT, I’M WRONG, PLEASE ACCEPT THIS GIFT CERTIFICATE TO BENNIGAN’S type of apology.  Hopefully not too many but I’m sure you’re thinking of that person right now.

While sometimes we are looking to repair the relationship which was demolished due to our own missteps, many times (especially romantically) the involved parties have moved on.  Yet, we have this nag, this itch to tell someone we messed up and it was all our faults.

 Call it Catholic Guilt/Jewish Guilt/Karma/Overbearing Mother, whatever you’d like, but isn’t it inherently selfish to apologize sometimes?  Even if we are truly truly sorry, by apologizing we’re reopening someone else’s grieving process and spring cleaning our bad deeds shelf in order to make room for the mistakes we’ll more than likely make sooner than later…because, well, that’s what humans do.  Since we’re the offender we get to breathe easy while the hurt party now has to replay the damages and spend a lost weekend watching reruns of Mad About You and eating Thai food. 

 Good intentions or not, apology accepted or not, we’ve now placed something back into someone’s conscience that time and the human memory have done a pretty good job of removing on their own.  Things like your father’s difficulty accepting your liberal arts degree or your grandmother’s shock that you live with your boyfriend!  See how easy that is!

 Another factor that comes in to play is time.  Whether its embarrassment, denial or simply the abhorrence of the offense, sometimes the desire to apologize can take years.  It’s really easy to say “I’m sorry because I was young” or “I’m sorry you didn’t understand my love of jam bands at the time.”  But to  just say “I’m sorry” with no bows or strings or gadgets attached can be really tough.  If you do something horrible to someone, are you better off apologizing immediately as a sign of recognition or to wait a while to show sincerity?

 I don’t have the answers to these questions, because if I did I’d have a book option from Harper Collins right about now.  Rather, I’m thinking out loud instead of doing menial marketing pieces.  However, I am certain that if you’re going to say those tough words, make sure you don’t do it on a post-it note.

 It didn’t work on Sex and the City and it sure as hell won’t work for you.

 And if you never apologize?

 You’re a dick and that’s for another blog post.

 Skelladay

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evabite

It was only a matter of time before I posted something about the love of my life: My little, 10 month old puggle, Eva La Rue Hargest. This small bundle of love was purchased for me by my then-boyfriend as a Valentine’s Day present, and, she is arguably the best gift I’ve ever received.  I won’t lie and say that everything associated with having a puppy is great and fun, she’s certainly destroyed her fair share of items throughout my apartment, but she’s been the best example of unconditional love that I’ve CHOSEN to allow into my life. (Clearly family is the GREATEST example of unconditional love, however let’s be honest, you don’t get to pick them!)

As time went on, she started resembling a dog, rather than a large headed alien, which was exciting!  I imagine it’s the same type of feeling a mother has when her baby starts walking and talking and is no longer a muted houseplant.   However what wasn’t exciting was that the relationship with the puppy gift-giver was taking a quick nose dive. I would call my friends, mother, seeeeesteR*, and co-workers searching for a shoulder to cry on, and they all graciously agreed to be that shoulder for me. I would call them at all hours of the day and night, crying my eyes out and listening to their past experiences to try to make sense of the whole mess. To them, I am eternally grateful. BUT, I found comfort in the most unsuspecting of creatures, my tiny ball of fur, which I have affectionately nicknamed “Stinkus” ❤ .

That dog would see me crying and immediately jump on my lap and sleep. If I was in bed at 7:30 on a Saturday, so was she. If I was up at 1:30 in the morning with Skelladay or Lish, she was sitting next to me, gnawing on her favorite pig ear.

I never understood when Lish would tell me that her puppy Oliver was a huge comfort to her when she was taking on her own personal downward spiral into man-hell. It’s true. Animals can sense things that require no form of verbal communication. Without the guidance and love given to me by humans in my life coupled with a warm canine sleeping under the covers with me, I’m not sure where I’d be. Actually, I take that back…I know EXACTLY where I’d be…miserable and in a constant state of puffy-eyes from crying.

Carrie Bradshaw said it best: “No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.”

This brings us to the present day. Happy as a little clam and with the ability to look back on my failed relationships with love rather than hate, which I honestly feel is the hardest thing to achieve. I’ve ALLOWED myself to put things into perspective and realize who is important in my life: family, friends, and Eva…equally. Now that I was able to see exactly who was there for me during my lowest moment, I decided  that from this point forward, if any of my loved ones become compromised because of a relationship, that unlucky man will be immediately shown the door.

Lucky for them, my family doesn’t live in Pittsburgh, and Lish and Skelladay live on opposite sides of the country, so the only one they need to impress is my little Evaboo J

Disclaimer, Gentlemen beware: If you so much as look at my dog the wrong way, you WILL be sorry. If you make any snide remarks about how she just peed in the house, I will kindly remind you that at one point in your college life, YOU have peed in your house. And God forbid you lay a hand on her, you will receive a new asshole courtesy of Hargusta herself.

 

Hugs,

Hargusta

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We’ve all been there. You’re dating your significant other and WHAM! they inform you they want to take “time”/”a break”/”some space.” Generally, this blindsides you and you’re left with an overall feeling of complete shittiness. Why does your boyfriend/girlfriend choose these cute, harmless sounding terms when, in fact, they should just say what they mean: THEY DON’T FREAKIN WANT YOU ANYMORE. This situation plays out the exact same way for everyone: You agree to this “break,” you both start thinking of ways to rectify the situation  and you get back together two weeks later. Everything is sunshine and rainbows…at first. Then your boyfriend jumps right back into being a heinous prick and you’re right on his tail, making the same rancid bitch statements that put you where you started.

Instead of calling this a “break,” I suggest you each start using the phrase Mama Hargusta and I have been using for years: RESURRECTING THE DEAD. It has become clear to me in my short, 25 years of life that humans are suckers for punishment. Rather than thinking about all the reasons the relationship didn’t work, we focus on the rare instances of sheer happiness and are determined to recreate this gleeful time. DOESN’T WORK HOMEY.

Within the past few months, many of my evenings have been lent to a dear friend (Who shall remain nameless) that has been relentlessly trying to resurrect her EXTREMELY dead relationship. Each time she would call me and say they “broke up again.” I knew in the back of my head that they would get back together eventually, only to find themselves in the exact same predicament a few weeks later. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all passing judgment, especially since I’ve done this in every.single.one. of my relationships. Hindsight is 20/20 and the best advice to take is your own, although NONE of us ever do.  If people listened to their instincts there’d be no need for people like Dr. Phil and Kate Gosselin wouldn’t have gotten that heinous haircut.

Why put yourself through the misery? Why fill yourself with a false sense of hope that everything will work out in your favor and you and your man will ride horseback into the sunset? This doesn’t happen to anyone and you and I both know it. I’m unclear as to why people think that when two people break up, something horrific has happened that left them with no choice but to Ctrl+Alt+Delete the other from his/her life. In my most recent break up, nothing traumatizing happened. No name calling. No cheating. It just didn’t work. Unfortunately, sometimes love ISN’T enough and that’s something we ALL need to accept.

Whenever I was upset about a recent ex, Mama Hargusta would tell me that “there is someone out there specifically looking for YOU and he’ll find you.” As much as I’d like to say my mother has no idea what she’s talking about, she does! It’s best to figure out all this horseshit before you’re married with two kids, ladies!

If you find yourself in a situation where your boyfriend/girlfriend is telling you they “need some time,” be like Jay-Z and dust your shoulders off, run for the hills, and take comfort in knowing you dodged a HUGE bullet and saved yourself from days/weeks/months of unhappiness.  If that doesn’t work, just blame it on the economy.  That seems to never fail.

Remember girls, let sleeping (dead) dogs lie. Pun intended.

Hugs,

Hargusta

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01346To casually mention that, in fact, “2009 sucked” is pretty much the “No-Shit” statement of the century- kinda like saying Jon Gosselin is a douchebag or the show Community is a waste of Chevy Chase’s time. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the only good things that have happened to me this year were getting my little Eva and Obama being inaugurated.  Granted, a puggle and a black president are significant, but I can’t really claim the responsibility for their success…well, maybe Eva’s (she’s such a good dog!)

Other than that, 2009 has been a complete wash. Celebrities are dropping like flies and everyone I know is breaking up.

It’s no shock to anyone that my most recent break-up was moderately devastating, to say the least. I spent entirely too many nights alone with my dog watching Hitch and trying to figure out what I could’ve done differently to salvage this extremely dysfunctional relationship. Sure, I called my friends and family crying, and each person provided a different means of comfort. Skelladay would listen to me and chime in with advice when I asked, The Caus would offer to take me out for burritos and my brothers offered to get me drunk at tailgates.

Despite counsel, delicious chicken burritos and the promise of liquor ice luges at sporting events, one thing remained the same throughout all my heartfelt cry-fests with my loved ones…everyone asked the same thing: “What did you even see in him?”

It actually struck me as somewhat bothersome. WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU PEOPLE THE ENTIRE YEAR AND A HALF WE DATED? Your comments were peppered with “Wow! What a catch!” or “You really found yourself a keeper” when, in fact, you were all thinking “What a douchebag prick…I give them 2 years, tops…and that includes several well-crafted ‘timeouts’ .”   It’s nice to have the support, but next time I walk the plank, tell me there are sharks in the water, mmmkay?

It’s amazing the thoughts that run through your head after you’ve given yourself the opportunity to step back and evaluate the situation for what it really is: a learning experience.  Nothing more, nothing less.  People that say everything happens for a reason can screenprint it on an American Apparel T-shirt and tell it to Delilah.

You begin to notice that all their cute and charming habits are nothing more than obnoxious and irritating.  The word endearing is quickly search and replaced with the word scathing.  You actually find yourself joining in with your friends during their manbashing sessions and start to throw in your own terrible experiences.  When you start taking punches at the one who sleeps in your bed?  Time to hang up the gloves and put on VH1. 

I believe Sex and the City’s Charlotte York said it best: “I’ve been dating since I was 15, I’m exhausted where is he?!”  

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a free burrito coupon I need to use before it expires.

 

Hugs,

Hargusta

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